My observation took place between a mom and a three year old son at church. The child really wanted to play on the giant submarine we have in the children's area. The mother just thought he was running away at first and got mad. Then she figured out what he wanted and told him " not now, lets go." This lead to one HUGE crying and falling out fit.
This child really did not feel like like he was being listened to or appreciated. He was not told why, he was just told "no". Stephenson (2009) stated "For me, stepping back meant not only slowing down and really listening, but also consciously shifting my mind from the immediacy of the conversation to consider it from other perspectives." (p.90) I believe the mother in this situation could have greatly benefited from a similar approach. If she would have stopped and listened, she would of understood the how important at that moment it was for him to play. She could of found a compromise or at the very least let him know why it was not a good time.
This child probably felt like his mom just didn't want him to do what he wanted to do. He probably felt like what he wanted did not matter so he cried and scream in hopes to be seen. In an adults world this is small, but in a child's world it is earth shattering.
I do understand where the mom is coming from, it is easy to get so caught up in my busy world and for get to slow down and really affirm the children around us who see the world at a much more beautiful and slow pace. I know I have been guilty of trying to get the child to go my pace instead of slowing down. This has inspired me to stop next time and take the time to at least explain why and to show the child in the situation he/she is important.
Resources:
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database.
A great example, Hailey,
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many 'temper tantrums' could be avoided with a moment's interest in what the child is thinking. I agree that speed is often the culprit. Adults are hard pressed to complete their agenda that the child must come along or he is hindering the process. When if that mom took maybe five minutes and let the child play they both could have left the area knowing they 'had met with a higher power.'
Easier said than done. But a good mantra to keep in our brains 'Perhaps my child has a point!'
Thanks for this example.
A great example, Hailey,
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many 'temper tantrums' could be avoided with a moment's interest in what the child is thinking. I agree that speed is often the culprit. Adults are hard pressed to complete their agenda that the child must come along or he is hindering the process. When if that mom took maybe five minutes and let the child play they both could have left the area knowing they 'had met with a higher power.'
Easier said than done. But a good mantra to keep in our brains 'Perhaps my child has a point!'
Thanks for this example.
I think that you focused on a key area that many probably do not think about or avoid which is doing things at the child's speed/level. It seems like we live in such a fast paced world, and it is hard to not expect a child to go along with this. By giving that child a few moments to play or taking those few moments to slow down, we are giving that child a few more experiences to enjoy and learn from.
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